A Year Away

Where will you be a year from now? Of course you don’t really know, but where do you want to be? What choices will you make to get there? How about this: where were you a year ago? At that time, did you expect you’d be where you are right now, at this moment? I didn’t.

A year ago I was flying high and feeling good about life. I wasn’t making amazing money, but I was comfortable. I had social status as a chaplain for a non-profit. I was enjoying life.

Then the words came: “Funding has dried up.” That’s fancy talk for, “You can’t work here anymore. We don’t have money to pay you.” With a few utterances of sound from our CEO’s mouth, my world crumbled. My nice little life was suddenly destroyed.

I was offered an alternative position fit me like a glove for a four year old. Eventually I came to grips with the reality that I was suffocating in life and being pushed to make a change. I hate change. I don’t typically deal with it well. I get grumpy and snappy and generally am miserable to be around. Nonetheless, change is what I chose into. And it’s been hard.

A year ago I did not expect to be sitting in a different state job hunting (that’s my euphemism for unemployed) and waiting to pursue further schooling aggressively once I can pay in-state tuition. I really feel like I’m at a sorry place in life. I’m pushing thirty and don’t have much to show for myself. Often I’m tempted to feel sorry for myself. To pity myself. To judge myself. But the constant reality of change gives me hope even while it has destroyed my safe little world.

A year from now I will be in a different place in life. I am making choices now to steer my path where I want to go. I am empowered. Opportunities abound before me. Even though these days I feel more discouraged than encouraged, I know there is hope and positive growth will come as a result of today’s pain. Through it all, God is present. He’s loving me, cheering me on, guiding me. He is in control.

So where will you be a year from now? Be certain that life is not certain, and it will change. What do you want to be doing? Who do you want to be with? What significant relationships will you be involved in? Will you be talking and listening to the One who’s with you in it all?

Take it from someone who’s faced the change and is reaching his arms out to embrace it: a magnificent change is only a year away.

Are You Alive Yet?

You are dead. Don’t worry too much about it because I’m dead, too.

Jesus left the land of the living to show us how to join him there. That’s what Christmas celebrates: Jesus leaving the land of the living, coming to earth, and showing us the way (actually acting as the Way) to the land of the living. So, right now, you are actually dead.

Are you confused yet? I am, too. However, one recent morning I had a moment of clarity. I focus so much of my life on living fully, being alive, making the most of my days, and so on. This is good. However, what if life is about more than now? What if right now is just the appetizer?

I make life about me so often. Sure I sprinkle in some God and good deeds periodically, but really it’s about me. However, what if I’m really just this little infant soul that’s slowly waking up? Having trust in Jesus’ ability to cleanse me from my sins and bring me into relationship with God, I do believe I’m alive. But I still feel so dead.

What if this life is really just preparing me for the true awakening that will come at the end of this life? I always look at Jesus’ crucifixion with great sorrow, but ultimately it led to amazing joy – probably for Him as much as for mankind. He woke up again. He reunited with His Father and made a way for me and you to do the same.

If that’s all true, why am I sitting here on my butt letting my life waste away? Why don’t I get up and do something awesome? Why don’t I act like I’m this infant about to be born into an amazing world and right now I get the opportunity to knowingly prepare myself? I get to choose to hiccup to build my lungs and to push against the uterine wall to strengthen and prepare myself for the great adventure that will come.

Perhaps a tragedy and sacrifice we overlook in the Jesus story is Jesus essentially dying just to take on flesh and become a man. As I type with Christmas music in the background, I’m lost in a whole new wonder of who this God-Man actually was and the amazing thing He did so I could have relationship with Him.

Are you alive yet?

Christmas Confusion

I am confused by Christmas. Maybe not all of Christmas, but definitely by the glitz and glam of American-commercialized Christmas. I know there’s a group of us every year asking, “What, really, is Christmas about?” This year brings the same echoing question to my mind.

In years past, my wife and I have attempted to get past the commercialism of the traditional American Christmas. We’ve urged our families to make gifts for one another rather than purchasing. When that didn’t pan out in the long term, we’ve attempted to be more intentional about our Christmas gift purchases. We’ve bought gifts such as TOMS shoes or donated money to great organizations in honor of a specific family
member.

This year I’m wondering what the balance is in participating in Christmas celebration with my family while simultaneously honoring God and serving those for whom life is a daily struggle of survival and Christmas is a far away dream in another world.

Working at a group home (I’m a chaplain at a home for abused and neglected children) can be an easy out to my troubling thoughts. It’s easy to simply tell myself that since I work with abused and neglected children I’m doing my part and I should just live the rest of my life however I want since I do my duty of service in the daily of 9 to 5. Honestly, this is tempting. Why not just float through Christmas lavishing impressive gifts upon family and friends with a clean conscience? But something inside won’t let me.

So what do I do with my struggle? I think I’m facing the reality that my struggle is a good one. Sometimes I might make frivolous choices in Christmas celebration, but my Christmas struggle helps keep me honest. In my typical celebration with family and friends I will continue to seek making an impact by the ways I spend my holiday time. I will invest more deeply in significant relationships around me (both with the kids I work with and close friends and family). I will continue to be a voice through my spending habits by purchasing products that make a tangible difference - like slave-trade free products.

Part of my job where I work is to oversee volunteer activities for our organization. At Christmas time I see many people who show up at our group home with a gift they’re donating and want to give it directly to the kid it’s for. Initially this sounds noble. I just want to see the joy the kid receives from my gift. But really, this type of giving is all about the person bestowing the gift. They are seeking a feeling. They want to feel warm and fuzzy inside and “these poor, abused children” are simply their avenue to obtain their “Christmas feeling.” I’m attempting to not be that person.

Now please don’t hear me wrong, we need donations and appreciate every gift and dollar donated. Every donation makes an impact. However, I’d love to see to that spirit of giving last beyond December 25th. I encourage those donating to such causes to make a commitment to be involved in the long term – not just in the Christmas season.

Likewise, part of my attempt to reject apathy this Christmas is to look for long term ways that I can make an impact. I’m sick of living a life where I’m simply seeking a warm, fuzzy feeling in exchange for the dignity of a fellow brother or sister via the façade of charity.

So my answer to the actual proposed question comes down to this: relationships. My rejection of apathy this Christmas is to focus on deepening relationships; both with those whom I love and whom God has called me to serve. I hope this will make an impact that last longer than the Christmas leftovers.

What Are You Going to Do With Your Life?

Here's a great article entitled What Are You Going to Do With Your Life?: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/career-money/blog/18895-what-are-you-going-to-do-with-your-life.

Can I Have Some Candy?

As I looked up to see a kid quickly gliding toward me I heard his question in a very excited, almost frantic, voice: “John, can I have some candy?” At that moment I had a lot of value to this kid. He knew I had candy in my office to give or deny him. His pleading for some succulent sweetness caused me to consider how I approach God (who has the power to give or deny) with my desires through prayer.

There exist volumes and volumes on the idea of prayer. I’ve read one or two of them myself, but I’m no prayer expert by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I thought I had this article all figured out and was about to write it when a friend stopped by my office and unknowingly ruined my intentions with some good common sense and Biblical wisdom.

Prayer is basically talking with God. When I pray, sometimes it’s as if God is sitting right there next to me. Sometimes it’s as if he’s far away in another universe or like I’m talking to a brick wall. At those times I often feel very distracted and struggle through any sort of semblance of prayer. I found myself in that spot this morning. To keep focus I simply began repeating the word “hallowed,” thinking of the Lord’s Prayer; it was all I could do to keep God in mind while praying.

Even with my frequent prayer struggles God still seems to participate in conversation with me. Most of the time I can’t tell you exactly how, but I can tell you I’m learning and growing. I can tell you I gain encouragement and freedom and comfort in prayer. Even when I go through long periods of stagnant prayer, when I look in the rear view mirror, I see some sort of change in my life.

Sometimes my prayers primarily contain pleadings of God; just like that kid who came begging candy from me. I had been thinking that this type of prayer annoys God, because I honestly was annoyed with the kid, but without realizing what he was doing, this morning my friend recounted to me the Bible story of the godless judge and the widow who kept begging for justice. This widow basically wears the judge out by pleading her cause to him again and again. Finally, the judge can’t take it anymore and gives in to her pleading. Kind of like I did with the kid and the candy.

It turns out I was wrong. God does want us to continually come before him with requests.

I resented the kid a little bit for his approach. But God doesn’t resent us. He’s not mad at us. It’s silly to think he is. Remember, prayer is about the conversation and connection with God. At least we’re talking with him. God actually encourages us to have that approach; just like the widow with the judge.

Of course this isn’t to say that if you keeping asking God for a new car a shiny new Jaguar with your name on it is going to magically appear in the parking lot. But if you keep asking God for a new car, or whatever your request is, something probably will change within you. God will probably teach you and grow you and generally love you. And sometimes giving you that candy you’re asking for even brings you more deeply into relationship with him.

Legal Orphans

I just learned a new term: legal orphans. This is an interesting one to me. A term that is right now rocking my world.

I work at a group home, which many Americans mistakingly call an orphanage. In America, we don't have orphanages. You could think of group homes as modern days orphanages of sorts...however, the kids there typically aren't orphans (their parents are still alive). Their parents, instead, abused and/or neglected them in some way. So they aren't orphans.

Then comes this term: legal orphans. I suppose legally the kids I work with are orphans. For all practical purposes their parents have abandoned them and are essentially dead to them.

This changes my views and gives me a new fire. This fire is about changing America as we know it. I just saw a statistic that said there are half a million foster kids in the U.S. What if we, as a society, led by churches sought to get these kids in permanent foster homes or adoptive homes? What if we moved so swiftly and forcefully on this that the government no longer had any need for group homes?! That would be a great problem to have!

Half a million is a lot kids. But all it takes is half a million willing, loving homes. One kid at a time. One family at a time.

Perhaps I'm just dreaming, but together, we really can make a difference one life at a time. Consider how you can contribute.

Is My Blog Dead?

I enjoy writing a lot. However, lately I've had writer's block. This is evidenced in the fact that for my newsletter I had to pretty much steal someone else's idea to write about. It's true.

So I find myself asking the question: is my blog dead? Without fresh ideas and insights, my writing cannot go on.

Thus, I will do a difficult thing for myself: ask for help.

If you have any thoughts as to how to unstick my mind from writer's block, post it to my blog comments. I can't wait to see all the amazing tips I get! =0)